We all get weighed down by life sometimes. But what if the weight never seems to get lighter?

Burnout is what happens when stress is a grey cloud that never seems to lift.

Like many mental health issues, LGBTQ+ people can be particularly vulnerable to burnout. This is because of the minority stress we face day-to-day, on top of our other stresses. 

In their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, Emily and Amelia Nagoski write: “To be ‘well’ is not to live in a state of perpetual safety and calm, but to move fluidly from a state of adversity, risk, adventure, or excitement, back to safety and calm, and out again. Stress is not bad for you; being stuck is bad for you.” 

In other words, we all face difficulties as part of life – but those difficulties shouldn’t be constant and unmanageable. 

If you’re wondering if you’re burnt out, keep reading to find out more about what burnout feels like, what causes it (especially for LGBTQ+ people), and how to overcome it with advice from Voda’s queer therapists. 

What is burnout?

Burnout is more than just being stressed or tired. It’s an ongoing state of trying to hold more than you have capacity for. 

Have you ever felt like you’re already tired at the start of every day? 

Do you notice that you feel angry or overwhelmed when someone asks something of you – because you’re already holding so much?

Perhaps you’ve noticed that you’re more anxious or pessimistic about small things that you used to not worry about? Or maybe you’re just feeling down all the time?

If this is resonating with you, you could be burnt out. 

We all have days that are too busy or stressful from time to time. “Burnout” means a chronic, ongoing state of exhaustion and stress – not just one tough day, but the impact of many tough days building up over time. 

We often think of burnout as a work-related issue. But you can become burnt out from holding any kind of responsibility or pressure – it could be related to caregiving, relationships, or health issues. 

What does burnout feel like?

As a general rule, you can recognise burnout by its chronic nature. 

Rather than a one-off stressful event, it’s the creeping of stress into everyday life. 

While other mental health problems, like depression, can emerge for seemingly no obvious reason, burnout is the result of ongoing external stress.

These are some common signs of burnout to look out for:

• Feeling tired all the time. You might also struggle to fall asleep, or to wake up in the mornings. 
• Experiencing severe anxiety or dread related to work (or another source of stress). 
• Often feeling angry, irritable, or cynical. 
• Avoiding activities or tasks – even things you’d usually enjoy. 
• Frequently making mistakes you wouldn’t normally make. 
• Getting ill with colds or viruses more often. 
• Getting aches, pains, or gastrointestinal issues more often. 
• Feeling hopeless or defeated – as though you could never do enough. 
• Feeling unacknowledged or unappreciated for your work. 
• Increased self-criticism or self-doubt.
• Relying more on coping strategies like alcohol, drugs, or food. 

If you’re experiencing any physical symptoms – or if the mental or emotional load of burnout is overwhelming to carry – it could be worth talking to your GP.

What causes burnout?

Burnout can have many different causes. Most often, we think of burnout in relation to work or academic pressure.

It could be that you’re overloaded with too many tasks, trying to meet constant deadlines, or facing a toxic work environment where it feels like none of your achievements are ever recognised. 

Burnout can also be the result of navigating more personal terrain like caregiving, relationships, or the emotional upheaval of grief.

It could be that you’re burnt out because you’re managing a health condition or disability, and constantly battling inaccessibility in daily life. 

Autistic people, for example, talk about autistic burnout as the result of long-term masking, sensory and social overwhelm. 

Alongside extreme exhaustion, autistic burnout might also include loss of skills, and an increased sensitivity to stimuli. Find out more about autistic burnout from the National Autistic Society. 

People of any marginalised community might face a higher risk of burnout – understandably, because navigating a world that’s not built for you can be exhausting. 

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Queer burnout: Why LGBTQ+ people are at more risk of burning out

LGBTQ+ people face a higher risk of mental health difficulties like burnout because of minority stress.

Getting through day-to-day life as an LGBTQ+ person can itself be hard work, because of factors like:

• Hypervigilance: Always scanning new places and people to check you feel safe. 
• Visibility and educating others: You might feel the burden of always “representing” your community, and teaching people who fall outside of it. 
• Fighting discrimination: Queer and trans people often have to face battles we didn’t choose. 
• Not feeling seen or accepted: Striving to be understood can be its own kind of psychological and emotional work. 
• Emotional labour: Carrying responsibility for difficult relationships, and trying hard to heal ruptures. 

Burnout doesn’t always come down to a visible pile of work on your desk. 

It can also stem from the invisible work you’re doing day in, day out just to survive. 

How to heal from burnout: Advice from queer therapists

Overcoming burnout is not a one-time event. 

Generally, recovering from burnout means you need more than a short break. Long-term, sustainable changes are what make a real difference. 

Here are five top tips from the queer therapists at Voda on how to manage burnout, and make life feel more manageable. 

1. Allow yourself to rest, without guilt

The first tip is the biggest – and also, potentially, the hardest. 

It can be challenging to let ourselves rest in this hyper-capitalist world, where productivity is seen as so important. 

This can be especially true for LGBTQ+ people, who may have adopted perfectionist tendencies or a harsh inner critic as a way to help us survive. 

Sometimes, struggling with minority stress might create an extra sense of pressure to be “exceptional”. 

But healing from burnout begins with realising that you don’t need to be exceptional all the time – you’re allowed to just be, as you are. 

We all need rest. Expert Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith outlines seven types of rest in her book, Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Restore Your Sanity:

• Physical rest: Restoring your body’s energy levels through sleep, or other physically relaxing activities like massage or stretching. 
• Mental rest: Allowing your busy thoughts to settle down, by taking breaks from high-level cognitive work to do less challenging things like watch a TV show or complete a puzzle. 
• Emotional rest: This could mean sharing your emotions with a friend, therapist, or journal, or simply allowing yourself to take a breather from emotionally heavy situations. 
• Social rest: Give yourself an opportunity to drop the social mask by spending time with close people who know the real you, or simply enjoying your own company. 
• Sensory rest: Particularly for neurodivergent folks, our sensory environments (bright lights, loud noises) can be taxing. Give yourself a break with sensory experiences you know are comforting and nourishing for you, like a warm bath, or a darkened room. 
• Creative rest: It’s nurturing for your soul to express yourself creatively, whatever that might look like for you. It could be painting, writing, listening to music, or even taking in a beautiful view!
• Spiritual rest: This means connecting to a bigger sense of meaning or purpose in your life, whether that’s your faith, your place in the natural world, or your core values.
  

2. Set boundaries – and stick to them

To recover from burnout, you’ll often find that you need to draw firm boundaries to protect your time and energy. 

This can be difficult, particularly if you have a demanding job or care responsibilities where it feels impossible to set boundaries.

Boundaries can take many different forms, and it comes down to what’s manageable and helpful for you. 

Your boundaries could look like:

• Committing to finishing work on time and not working overtime. 
• Setting your phone on “do not disturb” for an allotted time each day. 
• Letting friends or family know that you have less capacity at the moment. 
• Saying “no” to social plans or work commitments you don’t have energy in the tank for. 
• Taking just a few moments each day to do something restorative for yourself, even if it’s just taking some slow breaths. 

All of these boundaries could bring up difficult conversations and uncomfortable feelings. That’s okay. 

Your boundaries will be unique to you. Some people might find that parties are really energising, for example, while others will need to cut back on socialising. 

Whatever your boundaries look like, setting them may not be easy – but they are important for protecting your wellbeing as you recover. 

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3. Learn some strategies for regulating your emotions

When we’re burnt out, we might find that our strongest emotions are closer to the surface. 

You could feel like even the smallest day-to-day upsets are enough to leave you overwhelmed or panicky. 

That’s why building an emotional toolkit of in-the-moment regulation strategies can be helpful as you take care of yourself through this stressful time. 

“Regulation” is all about grounding yourself in the present moment, and regulation techniques could mean breathing, movement, or meditation. 

Different things work for different people – for example, some neurodivergent people may find sensory or stim toys are regulating. 

You can try some simple emotion regulation exercises inspired by DBT and Mindfulness on Voda, the wellbeing app built by LGBTQ+ therapists. 

4. Lean on your community 

If you’ve learned to be hyper-independent, then it might feel like asking for help goes against your nature. (And that can be a perfect recipe for burnout!)

When we’re burnt out, it’s so important to lean on our loved ones and community for support where we can. 

Particularly for queer folks, just having a community where you can be yourself, and be fully accepted, can be healing. 

Find out more about the importance fo queer chosen family, and how to build one.

5. Get an LGBTQ-affirmative therapist

If you can access it, therapy can make a world of difference when you are burnt out. 

As mentioned above, we all need support sometimes – even if it can feel really tough to ask for it.

Burnout means you don’t need any extra stresses, which is why it can be particularly helpful to find a therapist who understands the minority stress you’re facing. 

As an LGBTQ+ person, therapy should be a space where you don’t have to hide any aspects of yourself. Working with a therapist who “gets it” can allow you to truly relax. 

Find out more about LGBTQ-affirmative therapy. 

How long does it take to get over burnout?

There is no single answer to this question – frustrating as that may be to read. 

Some might find that they begin to feel better within a few weeks. Others, who have been burnt out for longer, may take years to see a difference. 

Healing from burnout takes as long as it takes. It’s important to have as much patience and compassion for yourself as possible – things that don’t always come easily to those who find themselves burnt out in the first place. 

It may be that you’re not used to taking breaks, or allowing yourself to rest. 

You might feel guilt or shame for not being productive, or not “getting over” burnout quickly enough. 

But burnout recovery takes time. It might feel like a paradox, but healing means putting less pressure on yourself to heal quickly. 

It’s okay to need rest. There is nothing wrong with you for needing to slow down – you’re only human. 

How to prevent burnout

We’ve talked about how to manage burnout once you’re already overwhelmed. But how do you avoid burnout in the first place?

All the same strategies listed above can be used to build a life that feels sustainable, and protects you from burnout. 

Think of these five pillars not just as emergency measures that you reach for when you need to slam on the brakes, but a way of life:

• Rest is always important, and will help prevent burnout in the long run if you get some regularly. 
• Boundaries allow you to avoid taking on more responsibility than you can hold. 
• Emotion regulation helps you to be present in the moment while riding waves of stress. 
• Community is an important source of support – when we’re all carrying the load together, we can make sure no one is carrying too much.  
• And therapy can be a helpful way of offloading, venting, and noticing your patterns, before you get to the point of burnout. 

How to help someone with burnout

If you recognise the signs of burnout in someone you love, it can be really tough to see them struggle. 

There are things you can to lighten the load for them, and let them know that they have support around them:

• Listen. It sounds simple, but just having a space to vent about our feelings without judgement can provide so much relief. If you’re able to offer your loved one empathy, compassion, and the space to be heard, that’s an incredibly valuable form of help. 
• Offer practical support. If you see that your loved one is drowning in tasks or responsibilities, you might find that asking them “What can I do to help?” is met with confusion or frustration. Instead, you could try offering specific practical support, like a home-cooked meal or a ride somewhere. 
• Recognise their context. People who are burnt out might feel like it’s their failure somehow that they’re struggling. It can be powerful to name the systemic contexts – like a toxic workplace, or an environment of ableism – that are contributing to how they feel. 
• Check on their safety. If you’re worried that your loved one might not be safe, it’s okay to ask them directly. 
• Take care of yourself, too. Remember not to allow yourself to get burnt out in the pursuit of helping someone else who is burnt out – you also need support and rest!

If you need more support with burnout

If burnout is causing low moods or anxious thoughts that are making it hard to live your day-to-day life, it's worth talking to someone.

You could think about these options:

• Talking to the GP. It could be worth talking to your GP, particularly if you're getting a lot of physical symptoms. They may be able to help you take some time off to recover from stress.  
• Refer to NHS talking therapies. In England you can refer yourself directly, without going through your GP. In Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, routes vary, so your GP is the place to start.
• Find an LGBTQ+ affirming therapist. If you'd rather see someone privately, Pink Therapy holds a directory of therapists who specialise in working with gender, sexual and relationship diverse clients. Find out more about how to find an LGBTQ-affirmative therapist.
• Get urgent support. If you're struggling to keep yourself safe, please don't sit with it on your own. You can call Samaritans free on 116 123, any time of day or night. Switchboard, the LGBTQIA+ helpline, is on 0800 0119 100. If you need help right now, NHS 111 or A&E are there for mental health as much as anything else.

Practice self-care and prevent burnout with Voda

Voda is the LGBTQIA+ mental wellbeing app that’s built by us, for us. 

Alongside community and therapeutic support, self-care is an important way that we can protect ourselves from the damage of burnout. 

With Voda, you can try journaling, meditation, and emotion regulation practices designed and reviewed by queer psychotherapists who truly understand the impact of minority stress. 

Download Voda via Google Play and on the App Store.