People are complex – sometimes, it can even feel that we’re each made up of many different parts.
Some of those parts may be sad, or angry. Some may feel like children. And some might echo our parents or caregivers.
Internal Family Systems, or IFS, is a style of therapy that recognises this complexity. IFS therapists view each person as a “family system” made up of these different parts.
IFS therapists also believe that at the heart of every person is a core Self: a grounded, calm presence capable of rising above the other parts.
Read on to find out more about how IFS works, its key principles, and how it can be especially helpful for the LGBTQIA+ community.
What is IFS?
IFS is a style of therapy that sees people as “systems” containing “parts” that make up a family.
Holding the system together at the centre is the “Self”: a profound sense of oneness and clarity.
Some of our parts may be wounded and vulnerable emotions that we push away, or try to suppress or hide.
Other parts may be ways that we’ve learned to protect ourselves, through coping or conflict strategies.
In IFS, we learn how to differentiate these parts, listen to what they need, soothe them, and ultimately build a stronger connection with the Self.
What does IFS stand for?
IFS stands for Internal Family Systems.
This refers to your internal “family”: the wounded parts, the protective parts, and the Self. Keep reading to find out more about the different types of “parts”.
Key principles of IFS therapy
IFS was developed by an American systemic family therapist named Richard C. Schwartz.
Schwartz first came up with the method while working with clients who had eating disorders. But it is now used generally with people facing a wide range of issues, like depression, anxiety, and addiction.
Schwartz has written several books about the IFS method. Perhaps the most famous one is titled No Bad Parts.
The title offers a neat summary of the philosophy of IFS: all of us contain many parts, and none of them are “bad”.
Some of these parts may cause us problems, or even harm. But all of them deserve compassion and love.
What are “parts” in IFS therapy?
“Parts” are what IFS therapists call the different “sub-minds” or “sub-personalities” that make up a person.
You might have a self-critical part, for example, that shows up when you’re under stress.
Or a wounded, childlike part that feels especially present when someone hurts your feelings.
There are broadly three types of “parts” in IFS therapy: exiles, managers, and firefighters.
Exiles
In IFS therapy, “exiles” is the name given to the most vulnerable parts of you.
These parts contain painful emotions like hurt and shame, built up from difficult experiences – sometimes your earliest childhood memories.
They’re called “exiles” because often, we might push these parts down. “Managers” and “firefighters” keep them shielded, away from our conscious awareness.
Schwartz has described exiles as “buried treasure” that many of us treat like “toxic waste”. We are often afraid to go near them. But our vulnerabilities are an important part of who we are.
Managers
“Managers” are parts that try to protect us by planning or controlling situations and relationships.
The goal of a manager is to carry out day-to-day life in a way that avoids getting hurt, or in other words, triggering one of the exiles.
Your “managers” might show up as:
- Perfectionist tendencies.
- Critical thoughts about yourself.
- Always striving for success.
- Avoiding intimacy.
- People-pleasing or over-apologising.
- Intellectualising feelings.
- Hypervigilance.
These are just a few examples of strategies managers may use in an attempt to protect you.
Firefighters
“Firefighters” are the parts that spring into action when an exile is triggered.
In other words, this is how IFS therapists describe the reactions we default to when we experience overwhelming or distressing emotions.
Like someone tackling roaring flames with a hose, the firefighter will use any means necessary to dampen the difficult feeling.
Some examples of how firefighters might show up include:
- Dissociation, or “spacing out”.
- Anger.
- Substance use.
- Urges to harm yourself.
- Thoughts of not wanting to be here.
What is the “Self” in IFS therapy?
IFS therapists see the Self as the core of you.
The Self, according to IFS, is made up of eight Cs, and five Ps.
The eight Cs are:
- Confidence
- Calmness
- Creativity
- Clarity
- Curiosity
- Courage
- Compassion
- Connectedness
And the five Ps stand for:
- Presence
- Patience
- Perspective
- Persistence
- Playfulness
IFS therapy teaches that we all have the unique capacity for these qualities within us.
But often, our exiles, firefighters, and managers may get in the way of us connecting with them fully.
The goal of IFS therapy is to access more of these Self qualities, and eventually to develop Self-leadership: making decisions and reacting to situations from this calm, grounded, and patient place.
As Schwartz writes in No Bad Parts: “When Self leads, the mayhem is gone.”
What happens in internal family systems therapy?
IFS therapy often starts by identifying the parts within you, and understanding the feelings and needs behind them. This might be achieved through parts mapping.
An IFS therapist may then work with each of those parts, to support you to unblend from them. This means separating your sense of Self from your parts.
Gradually, you will try to befriend your parts, and to strengthen your connection with your Self.
Parts mapping
“Parts mapping” is an IFS therapy exercise for finding the parts that live within you.
It can be done as a visual exercise, by writing or drawing about your parts, either with a therapist or by yourself.
Find out more about IFS parts mapping.
Parts work
In IFS, working with parts involves spending more time digging into how each of your parts feels, and trying to get to know them better.
This is a gradual process, and it can involve talking therapy, visualisation, working with the body, and creating diagrams or pictures.
Your therapist might invite you to speak “from” a particular part, so you can understand it better. For example, you might voice the anxious fears driving your inner critic: “I’m scared that if I don’t push myself hard, I’ll fail.”
The ultimate goal is to offer understanding and compassion to your parts so that you can “unblend” from them.
Does internal family systems therapy work?
Yes, IFS has been shown to have a positive effect for a diverse range of people, including the LGBTQIA+ community.
It is a relatively new therapy style, and less well-researched than some other modalities, like CBT.
But the research that does currently exist shows that it is a promising therapeutic approach.
IFS therapy may work well for:
- Anxiety and panic.
- Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD).
- Depression and low mood.
- Addiction and disordered eating.
- Self-harm.
- Chronic pain and illness.
- Processing difficult past experiences and trauma.
IFS therapy might not be recommended for people who are:
- Experiencing severe psychosis, or schizophrenia.
- In an unsafe environment or an acute crisis.
IFS therapy for LGBTQ+ people
Many people have noted that the core ideas behind IFS are well-suited to working with people with diverse sexualities and gender identities.
This is because IFS sees people as inherently complex and multi-faceted.
IFS therapists don’t see you as a “problem” to be treated or fixed. Instead, they understand that every one of us is made up of multiple, sometimes even conflicting parts.
These parts could represent many different aspects of your identity: for example, someone who is genderfluid might experience differently gendered “parts”.
Or you might see your internalised homophobia or transphobia as a “manager” part, trying to protect you from a homophobic and transphobic world.
Many LGBTQIA+ people carry queer shame. In IFS, you might see this as an “exile” part, and learn to work with it compassionately and non-judgementally.
Remember, no therapy modality is right for everyone. Therapy is personal – it’s all about finding the right fit for you.
For more in-depth discussions about the intersection of IFS and queerness, you might be interested in the podcast Queering IFS.
LGBTQ-affirmative IFS therapy
No matter what style of therapy you’re looking for, whether it’s IFS or something else, it’s important to check if your therapist is LGBTQ-affirmative.
This means that they understand the issues facing LGBTQ people, including minority stress, and they won’t judge or dismiss your identities in the counselling room.
Find out more about LGBTQ-affirmative therapy.
Try LGBTQ-affirmative IFS therapy skills with Voda
Voda is the LGBTQ-affirming mental wellbeing app that's built by us, for us.
If you’re interested in trying out queer-affirming self-care practices informed by IFS therapy, our app has plenty to choose from.
Discover self-led techniques for parts mapping and inner child work – all written by queer therapists.
