We live in a culture that loves to talk about romantic love and sex.
But not everyone experiences romantic love or sexual intimacy in the same way – and for some, it’s not something they’re interested in at all.
Asexuality and aromanticism are umbrella terms that describe people who experience little to no sexual and/or romantic attraction to other people.
Awareness of asexual and aromantic identities is growing in recent years, but "aro" and "ace" people have always existed.
But as a group in the LGBTQIA+ community, they’re particularly likely to face erasure and discrimination.
That’s why it’s important to know more about aro and ace identities, even if you’re not aro or ace yourself. Keep reading to learn more about both asexuality and aromanticism.
Note: Exploring this topic could bring up difficult feelings. If you need to talk to someone, Switchboard (0800 0119 100, 10am–10pm every day) is free and confidential.
What does “asexual” or “ace” mean?
Asexuality is the experience of having little to no sexual attraction, or desire to have sex.
“Ace” is commonly used as an abbreviation for asexual.
It's about attraction, not behaviour. Some asexual people never want sex, some are indifferent to it, and some enjoy it, without feeling sexually attracted to the people they have it with.
The community sometimes describes this range as “sex repulsed”, “sex indifferent”, and “sex favourable”.
Being asexual doesn’t automatically mean that a person is not interested in relationships, love, and other forms of intimacy beyond sex.
Asexuality is different from celibacy or abstinence, which are choices to refrain from having sex. Asexual people aren't giving up something they want. They don't experience sexual attraction, whether or not they choose to have sex.
The ace spectrum
Asexuality exists on a spectrum. It’s not black-and-white – asexual people don’t necessarily feel disgusted by sex, or experience zero sexual attraction. There are endless shades of grey.
The ace spectrum is an umbrella that includes many different experiences of sexuality.
Types of asexuality include:
- Demisexuality: Only experiencing sexual attraction after developing an emotional connection with someone.
- Graysexuality or gray-asexuality: Those who exist in a “grey area” of sexuality, sometimes experiencing sexual attraction and sometimes not.
- Apothisexual: This is a term for those who don’t want to engage in sex at all, and might even find the idea repulsive.
Signs of asexuality
If you’re wondering if you might be asexual, some signs described by others on the asexual spectrum include:
- Feeling a lack of sexual attraction: You might be left feeling confused, or struggling to relate, when others talk about feeling a sexual pull towards someone else. Maybe you experience other kinds of attraction – like emotional or aesthetic – but to you, it doesn’t usually feel sexy.
- Not feeling interested in sex generally: You might find that your interest in sex depends on the situation, goes up and down, or is simply non-existent. Wherever you fall on the spectrum is valid.
- Not enjoying sexual intimacy: There can be lots of reasons we might not enjoy sex – having an unsatisfying encounter doesn’t necessarily mean you’re asexual. But if you find that you don’t get much out of sexual intimacy generally, or it even feels like a chore or a favour, then it could be that you’re on the ace spectrum.
- Feeling annoyed or confused by focus on sex: Conversations, jokes, and stories in our media and culture often revolve around sex. If you find yourself getting irritated, or feeling alienated, by this, it could be that you’re finding it difficult to relate to these experiences as an ace person. (Which makes sense – ace perspectives are hugely underrepresented in the world we live in!)
- Struggling to identify your sexuality: Some asexual people feel confused about their identity, and may try out different labels or orientations before settling on asexuality. Our society treats sexual attraction as the default, so it can be hard to imagine that we may not experience it.
This is a general guide based on anecdotal experiences, not a complete or exhaustive list. Relating to some of these points doesn’t necessarily mean you are asexual – and you don’t have to tick them all off to feel that asexual is the right label for you.
The only person who gets to decide how you identify is you.
What does “aromantic” or “aro” mean?
Aromanticism means experiencing little to no romantic attraction to others.
“Aro” is often used as an abbreviation of aromantic.
Some aromantic people still choose to be in committed relationships, romantic or otherwise; others don’t.
A person can be aromantic without being asexual, and vice versa. Aromantic people may still desire sex or sexual intimacy, without romantic attachment.
The aromantic spectrum
Like asexuality, aromanticism is a spectrum.
The aro spectrum reflects the diversity of aromantic people: some might experience romantic feelings rarely, or in the right situations, while others don’t feel them at all.
Some people are demiromantic, meaning that they can form romantic bonds with others only after they’ve formed a meaningful emotional bond.
Others are grayromantic: like graysexuals, they experience romantic feelings at times, but not consistently. They are in a “grey area”.
Signs of aromanticism
You could be aromantic if you notice any of the below:
- Not feeling romantically attracted to others: If you rarely or never get “crushes”, and you struggle to understand what others mean when they talk about theirs, you could be on the aro spectrum.
- Feeling uncomfortable when someone has a crush on you: This could show up as repulsion, unease, or fear. Similarly, you might find yourself uncomfortable with dating.
- Lack of interest in romantic stories: This isn’t a trait that’s restricted only to aro folks – anyone might prefer action or horror to romance! But if you find it particularly hard to relate to love stories, it may reflect something deeper.
- Feeling indifferent to romantic relationships: You could have deep, fulfilling platonic relationships, but little or no interest in turning them romantic. You don’t picture your future involving a romantic partner or partners.
Again, remember that this is not a complete checklist. These are just some examples intended to help your thinking.
Ultimately, the only person who knows whether you’re aromantic is you.
What does “aroace” mean?
Aroace is a term you’re likely to have heard in the LGBTQIA+ community. It means “aromantic and asexual” – it’s a shorthand for people who identify with both labels.
You'll sometimes see aroace used loosely for the whole community, but strictly it means people who are both. The umbrella term for aromantic and asexual people is “a spec”, or simply “ace and aro”.
Not everyone who is aro is also ace. Some people want to be in romantic relationships but aren’t interested in sexual intimacy; others want to connect physically but have no desire for a relationship.
The aro and ace spectrum is vast, and contains a whole world of different experiences, attitudes, and approaches to love and intimacy.
History of asexuality and aromanticism
Asexuality has been recognised since around the late 19th century, but has gained increased awareness in more recent years.
Early on, asexuality was often viewed as a pathology or medical condition.
Later in the 20th century, activists began to advocate for asexual rights.
In 1972, radical feminist Lisa Orlando published The Asexual Manifesto. She described asexuality as “relating sexually to no one”, and “self-contained sexuality”.
In the manifesto, Orlando frames asexuality as a political choice – but many asexual people don’t see it this way today.
Awareness of asexual identity exploded with the arrival of the internet, and the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) was founded in 2001.
By 2010, there was an asexual Pride flag, and Asexual Awareness Week (which takes place in late October).
Aromanticism, in comparison to asexuality, has a shorter history.
The word “aromantic” emerged from the online communities around asexuality in the early 2000s.
An aromantic Pride flag and Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week were both introduced in 2014.
Today, the “A” in LGBTQIA+ is understood to represent asexual, aromantic, as well as agender identities.
What does “allosexual” or “alloromantic” mean?
“Allosexual” means someone who is not asexual.
It’s a word commonly used in the asexual community to refer to people outside of the community.
Allosexuals are a dominant group – it’s estimated that only about 1.7% of the US population identify as asexual. Similarly in the UK, estimates sit between 1 and 2%.
Most of society and culture caters to allosexual experiences, and fails to recognise asexuality.
Similarly, “alloromantic” is a word meaning anyone who is not on the aromantic spectrum.
Aromanticism is not yet as well-researched as asexuality, but it’s also thought to have a very low prevalence (around 1%) in the general population.
That means that around 99% of the population is allosexual and/or alloromantic.
This dominance of allosexuals and alloromantics creates a culture of amatonormativity (the assumption everyone wants a romantic partner) and compulsory sexuality (the assumption everyone experiences, and should want, sexual attraction).
Are asexuality and aromanticism real?
Yes – and it’s important to say this, because many asexual and aromantic people receive hurtful and dismissive comments about their orientation.
One of the leading podcasts in the aroace community, Sounds Fake But Okay, takes its name from the disbelieving attitude that many face.
As a minority within a minority, aroace people often face pushback from both inside and outside the LGBTQ+ community.
Discrimination against asexual and aromantic people
Asexual and aromantic people represent a small part of the population, and awareness around these orientations is still developing.
This means that aro/ace people often face stigma, misunderstanding, and discrimination – all forms of minority stress.
In the UK, asexuality is not recognised or protected as a sexual orientation under equality law.
Research from Stonewall in 2022 found that asexual people were less likely than other LGBTQ+ people to be out to their friends, at work, and in healthcare settings.
Asexual people have also been shown to face a higher risk of being offered conversion practices than LGB people.
There is less research into aromantic people, but the research that does exist also reflects a lack of understanding.
One Australian study in 2025 found that aromantic people experience “negative stereotypes, invalidation, and dehumanisation” within the queer community.
This is why it’s so important that we keep raising awareness of aro/ace identities, and their validity.
Am I aro/ace?: Questions to ask when exploring your identity
If any of this page resonated with you, or if you’ve been reflecting on whether you might be aro, ace, or aroace, you might find yourself feeling many different emotions.
Exploring your identity can bring relief, confusion, shame, fear, or excitement. If you feel any of this, or something else entirely, it’s welcome here.
Take your time to sit with these feelings, and reflect on what aro and/or ace identity means to you.
To support your exploration, here are five journal prompts you might want to respond to:
- What does attraction feel like for me?
- What does connection mean to me?
- When I picture myself having a fulfilling life in the future, what does that look like?
- Which relationships are most important to me in my life, and how do they make me feel?
- What do I feel when I see a sex scene/love story on TV or in a movie?
- What feelings does it bring up for me when someone else initiates sexual intimacy or expresses romantic feelings to me?
You don’t need to rush through these questions – each one could open up a vast landscape of possibilities or reflections. Take your time to explore.
You might even find that you answer each question differently at different times. That’s okay.
If you’d like support as you explore this part of your identity, it might help to reach out to an LGBTQ-affirmative therapist.
You might also find these resources helpful:
- Ace Dad Advice (Cody Daigle-Orians): An author and educator who shares lots of information about aro and ace identities on social media. You might want to check out their books, I Am Ace (2023) and The Ace and Aro Relationship Guide (2024), which are aimed at younger, questioning readers.
- Yasmin Benoit: UK-based aroace activist who has worked with Stonewall and campaigned in Parliament to raise awareness of aro/ace identities.
- The Asexual Visibility & Education Network (AVEN): The main hub for asexual community and information.
- Aromantic-Spectrum Union for Recognition, Education, and Advocacy (AUREA): The equivalent to AVEN for those on the aro spectrum.
- Stonewall's Ace Hub: Definitions and ally guides to aro/ace identities, written for a UK audience.
- Books to add to your reading list: Check out Samantha Rendle’s Hopeless Aromantic (2023), and Angela Chen’s Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex (2020).
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